THE CHINESE BOYS ARE COMING TO TOWN (MATTERS ARISING)

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August 08 2020 | The Biafra Restoration Voice

If I have my way, I’ll personally write to China to come and take over Nigeria with immediate effect. I’d rather be dominated by China than to be a slave to Fulani.  China may be ruthless and domineering but they’ve proved to the world that they know what it means to take responsibility. They have the highest population in the world and still have the best economy after the United States. 

Over here, we have misguided intellectuals who believe that knowing grammar is equivalent to having insight. Before Buhari came to power, it was obvious even to the least of thinkers that he has nothing to offer. What we tried very hard to understand was why professors and Doctors in Politics kept writing thesis on how he would make a good president. I’ve looked at this Nonentity called Nigeria and come to the conclusion that sense is not common. It doesn’t matter if one has won the Nobel laureate, sense is not common. 

The stupidity of Nigeria is getting more glaring every day. It’s more like One Week, One Stupidity. When the citizens are hungry and still trying to recover from the lockdown, those in National Assembly are about to cruise in brand new expensive SUVs ordered from abroad. If you ask them, they will tell you the vehicles have been ordered before the pandemic. They didn’t go for Innoson Motors that would have boosted the economy and put food on tables of the Nigerian people. Rather, they objected that proposal and went for Toyota. These are the people that will still come to tell us to support Made-in-Nigerian goods which is only to justify the government’s constant impounding of goods belonging to industrious Igbo men and women. 

Come to think of it, is there anybody in the National Assembly that does not have up to two cars before now? What are they doing with more? Are those things their priorities? I would have told you the answer is blowing in the wind, but not anymore. The answer is no longer blowing in the wind. It is blowing on our faces. The name of the answer is collective stupidity. 

I saw Pastor Enenche on TV the other day telling his church members that they shouldn’t talk down on their country and that Nigeria keeps constantly getting better. He cited Philip Emeagwali as an example of a good product that came from Nigeria. Emeagwali designed the program and formula for the fastest computer on earth, the Connection Machine; and for the records, he is a product of the West and not Nigeria. Enenche was partially right though. For someone who jettisoned his medical license to jump ship and land on the pulpit, things are definitely getting better. I watched him systematically pandering to the government and entertaining his members as they kept jumping up and down, cheering him as he voluntarily turned himself into a clown. That’s the new trend in this circus. If you are a serious dude, then your name will be Lagbaja. Nothing for you. In Nigeria, one must be a clown to make it. 

Osinbajo was a minister in two temples. He was serving in the temple of Yahweh and Justice respectively. He was also revered as a professor despite not having solved any problem in law. He walked out on all these supposed feats and stepped into the circus to become a clown. So, anybody who is still wondering how the dude made it to Aso Rock should wonder no more. I’ve solved that problem for you. I guess I’m a professor now too.

Gani Fawehinmi, in 2003 did not make it in the presidential election with his National Conscience Party. He refused to throw away his senses. He held unto it while blowing grammar and scanning his lawyer books for Latin terminologies. A lawyer can’t carry a bowl to beg for votes and still wishes to retain his wig and gown. It doesn’t work that way. Politics is a game of numbers and not about who has more sense. Chris Ngige had to discard his medical license to fully become a politician. The dude may have to crack his head now to remember he ever went to medical school. 

Oshiomhole is everywhere in Edo state literally and figuratively kneeling with Ize Iyamu’s bowl, begging for votes and telling whoever cares to listen to save his soul. Some of us think he does not know what he is doing. He understands vividly how Nigeria works. That is why he has lost his safari and wounded pride, and resorted to walk the streets of Benin looking broken and penitent. All hope is not lost though, what he lost in Abuja may be found in the dusty streets of Benin. I doubt if his soul would be found too, some losses seem eternal.

Femi Adesina had to remove his journalism toga to be able to effectively roll in the political mud. He is fully ready now to Daboh anybody that will Tarka him. One must know when to eat roasted corn in the street like the duo of Oshiomhole and Obaseki, and when to eat at the local buka during campaigns. In the Nigerian context, one has to grovel in the dust to be taken serious. It’s not about being principled, one has to be ready to say one thing in the morning and a different thing in the afternoon to keep the ball and the masses rolling. Collective stupidity is not a modern trend. It has always been an ancient lore.

If you must make it in Nigeria, you must lose your senses. You must learn to quit surfing the news and start watching Big Brother Naija as El Rufai’s irresponsibility and insensitivity leave more body bags in Southern Kaduna. You need to leave the activist groups on social media and join the trending ones where you have to wave your nude boobs and chests in celebrity online challenges to gain more likes. 

Yes, you must be stupid because sense is not supposed to be common. The latest news in the village square is that someone somewhere has signed a document written in Chinese and loaned away Nigeria to China. 

Can you remember that epic movie we watched as kids? I’ll remind you. It’s Mortal Kombat. The big bad guy is Shao Kahn and the good guy is Liu Kang. If you played mortal Kombat on Sega video game, you will know that Liu Kang has a special move of flying kick when you hold unto the C button for 5 seconds (I’m actually talking to my generation now). I may soon drop the Foreign name Stanley and take a Chinese name, and I’ll have to go for Liu Kang. The Chinese boys are coming to town to recolonize and whip us back to shape, and I need to be in their good books.

I’m actually ending this post but not without losing my senses. This is because I’m also in Nigeria and want to make it. I’ll be joining Kung Fu to learn flying bicycle kick. One never can tell when the slow baritone voice of Shao Kahn may come calling, saying "Finish him". I wouldn’t want to be caught napping. I ought to be ready to choose between Fatality or Brutality. As for now, I’m holding unto the C button waiting for 5 seconds that this article may fly, and if the Zoo falls, it falls.

Written by:
Stanley Ejiogu
For: The Biafra Restoration Voice – TBRV

Edited by:
Chukwuezugo J. Uduorji
For: The Biafra Restoration Voice – TBRV 

Published by:
Chibuike John Nebeokike
For: The Biafra Restoration Voice – TBRV

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